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Someone signing himself Charlie Foxtrot said:
While I know that God will never place a burden on us heavier than we can handle, I do wish sometimes that He did not have quite so much faith in us.

Dear God...

Feb. 5th, 2010 12:37 pm
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...I am sure You remember my various and loud complaints about one Jonah Goldberg, a journalist in the USA.Read more... )

Usain Bolt

Aug. 18th, 2008 03:41 am
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There's something wrong here. Who let in the superhero? 8-)
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I imagine that when the great and never enough lamented Rene' Goscinny had Caesar's architect say, in The Mansions of the Gods, that "The forest will be cut down and replaced with a nature reserve", he meant no more than to launch one of the fireworks of jokes with which he decorated his masterpieces. However, have a look at this (bear in mind that it is Government spin, and so bound to be mendacious): http://www.communities.gov.uk/news/corporate/newecotownscould
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An Italian newspaper published a story about a video that is supposed to be doing the rounds of the Net, showing a French air stewardess stripping for the captain and first mate of a long-distance flight. Well, of course this confirms ancient rumours we had all heard. But, as I said, I would not normally have touched it, except that it reminded me of a great Jewish joke I read long ago.

The flight has taken off. The Captain has done his communications over the public speaker system, then has taken the controls, taken the plane up, and settled it into its route. He is not aware that the speaker system is still on. He lies back contentedly and says: "Well, now we can have a cup of coffee, and then I'll have a screw with that gorgeous stewardess, Leah." Of course, his words ring out across the aisle. The hostesses look up, horrified. One of them rushes towards the cabin, to warn the Captain about the speaker system - but a little old man in a side seat sticks out his cane and trips her.

"Don't be in such a hurry, Leah," he says. "Let the man finish his coffee."
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An al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert...
Read more... )

A limerick

Jun. 30th, 2006 08:36 am
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This is by one F.R.Duplantier. I have no idea who he is, but the limerick seems to me quite perfect of its kind.

With so much of the world in dire straits,
Even we with our meager estates
Should each do what we can
To relieve Fellow Man:
Let's give all that we have to Bill Gates.
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"'Even if [The Da Vinci Code] is just fiction,' a student opined, 'it's still interesting to think about.'

"To which another student replied: 'Your mother's a whore.' And then, to the first student's stunned incredulity, he added, 'And even if that's just fiction, it's still interesting to think about....'"
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A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.

And Adam was comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.

And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.

And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was greatly improved.

And Dog was happy.

And the cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
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Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
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From R.J.Neuhaus' column in FIRST THINGS magazine:

A reader tells me that there are more Catholic churches in Las Vegas than casinos. When the offering is received at Mass, it is common for people to put casino chips rather than cash in the baskets. The several parishes send the collected chips to a neighboring Franciscan Monastery, where they are sorted and then cashed in at the casinos they came from. This weekly task is undertaken by those who are called the chip monks.
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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

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