What I noticed in this is a stylistic thing that I thought was quite good--it's where you interrupted Fudge's train of thought with "PETTIGREW?" Doing it that way captured precisely the sense of ignoring your interlocutor's conversation, being lost in your own thoughts, until *bang*--something calls you back to the conversation.
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Date: 2007-11-02 11:29 pm (UTC)What I noticed in this is a stylistic thing that I thought was quite good--it's where you interrupted Fudge's train of thought with "PETTIGREW?" Doing it that way captured precisely the sense of ignoring your interlocutor's conversation, being lost in your own thoughts, until *bang*--something calls you back to the conversation.