yeah, there is pressure, though more for some people than others depending how broad-minded your family and social environment is. I think in general there is pressure for people to marry and have children, but the pressure is slightly different and stronger for women, because women are expected to want children more than anything else almost, and to devote themselves to their education. In my experience, if you say you don't like babies, people look at you like you're not a real woman somehow, which I think is weird. Similarly, if you say you'd like to keep a job when you have babies, people make snide remarks like you're not a good mother, not the real thing, or selfish, which they wouldn't say about men. And this I think is totally unjustified because often women who have other interests in life than their children are less likely to put a lot of pressure on their kids and more likely to encourage their kids' socialisation for example by taking them to kindergarten. It's not too bad in France, but it's really bad in Germany in that respect: there if you're a working mother, you're a bad mother for a lot of people.
I definitely second your remark about having an unambitious / uninteresting job being the reality of life for most people, not just for women. But even a job which is not a dream job is important: it means a social circle of colleagues, a role in society that goes beyond the family circle and quite importantly financial independence. Who doesn't recall the joy of, for the first time, buying something with your own money, that you earned yourself rather than with your parents' allowance, without needing to justify your decision to anybody, no matter how useless or unreasonable that purchase might be? It may seem trivial, but I think that's important for most people, including women.
I also agree that having a goal in life is a good thing: it doesn't have to be very definite, but it's important to have some desires, a curiosity, a will to do better, etc because that makes you more alive I think. Similarly, and there I admit this is more questionable, I think it's important for people to have a job. It's ok to take a break when your kids are little. It's ok to have a job which is not very ambitious, but I think people should all take part actively in society. If it's not a paid job, then at least you should be part of an association or be active in politics or something but you know, you should care for things outside your own house.
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Re: women and babies
Date: 2008-06-20 02:53 pm (UTC)I think in general there is pressure for people to marry and have children, but the pressure is slightly different and stronger for women, because women are expected to want children more than anything else almost, and to devote themselves to their education.
In my experience, if you say you don't like babies, people look at you like you're not a real woman somehow, which I think is weird. Similarly, if you say you'd like to keep a job when you have babies, people make snide remarks like you're not a good mother, not the real thing, or selfish, which they wouldn't say about men. And this I think is totally unjustified because often women who have other interests in life than their children are less likely to put a lot of pressure on their kids and more likely to encourage their kids' socialisation for example by taking them to kindergarten.
It's not too bad in France, but it's really bad in Germany in that respect: there if you're a working mother, you're a bad mother for a lot of people.
I definitely second your remark about having an unambitious / uninteresting job being the reality of life for most people, not just for women.
But even a job which is not a dream job is important: it means a social circle of colleagues, a role in society that goes beyond the family circle and quite importantly financial independence. Who doesn't recall the joy of, for the first time, buying something with your own money, that you earned yourself rather than with your parents' allowance, without needing to justify your decision to anybody, no matter how useless or unreasonable that purchase might be? It may seem trivial, but I think that's important for most people, including women.
I also agree that having a goal in life is a good thing: it doesn't have to be very definite, but it's important to have some desires, a curiosity, a will to do better, etc because that makes you more alive I think.
Similarly, and there I admit this is more questionable, I think it's important for people to have a job. It's ok to take a break when your kids are little. It's ok to have a job which is not very ambitious, but I think people should all take part actively in society. If it's not a paid job, then at least you should be part of an association or be active in politics or something but you know, you should care for things outside your own house.