I know about that. But you are using the one and fresh grief not to answer about the other and merely hypothetical one. As it happens, you have honourably sailed through all the exams and jumped through all the hoops; but I do remember your intense nervousness before each exam, your fear that you might bollix up your career. That is no less a serious matter because love is more serious. Would I not have given up everything up, and gladly, for Debbie? Or even just so that she should not actually hate me? But believe me when I say that what little I have been able to do in history dominates my life nevertheless.