I have nightmares about what it meant for her. As far as I am concerned, it is the spiritual equivalent of rape. I have created characters that stand for my vision of what is good about human beings. I do NOT identify with them, and that is important. I have seen brave men and women, honest men and women, truthful men and women, loving men and women, men and women endowed with every gift and virtue. That, and not anything of mine, is what I try to show in my heroes. And the idea that some rotten creep with the self-respect of a bedbug would use them as wank fodder simply makes me sick. If you find that irrational, you are arguing that admiration for all that is good about mankind is irrational.