Request for netiquette advice

[fpb]

Among my f-list there is a particularly nice and charming person, whom I do not know all that well, but whose posts I enjoy. Just recently, two people whom I detest and whom I barred and blasted from my LJ in two separate incidents for very good reason have turned up on her f-list and started posting fairly frequently. These are people I would cross the road to avoid. I am seriously wondering whether it would not be better for me to de-friend this person, not for any personal reason, but because I do not want to share any space with certain other individuals. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Comments

[bufo-viridis.livejournal.com]

Option one: read posts, refrain from reading comments, refrain (or at least limit) commenting.
Option two: read posts, read and post, but answer any post addressed to you from the aforementioned persons with "No comment". Stick to it, no matter what.

Or is there an email available? Then if there's sth you really want to discuss you may do it in private, not showing up. I don't suppose they'll scrutinize L_J owner f-list to check who has friended her/him.

[lyssiae.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that there's an established netiquette for this. But as for what I would do:

continue reading your friend's posts; examine very, very carefully whether the comment you want to make should really be made. Will it help anyone (especially, will it help the OP?), constructively, or is it simply a mouthpiece for your opinion? Is it constructive to the discussion? Will it raise a new point that hasn't already been brought up?

As regards any comments directed towards you from the two people you think less of, ignore them. Hopefully they will decide not to taunt or goad you, and a more constrained commenting policy from you will not provoke them. If a situation does arise where they demand a response from you, send a quiet, calm email to the OP, explaining why you are not responding to them. You owe no-one but her an explanation for your behaviour on her LJ.

[rfachir.livejournal.com]

You can always comment and delete very soon after and hope that the email notification works. It is not foolproof, but it's a way to keep in touch fairly quietly

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Well, I have no idea who you're talking about, but just for the record -- if it's me, by all means do as you feel best and be assured I won't be offended by it. Not that I want to be quick to assume you would think of me as "particularly nice and charming", but the bits about not knowing this person well, and also the presence of some people on my f-list whom I could imagine you might consider anathema (and probably vice versa) made me wonder.

Wandering onto a tangent, I really think LJ ought to have just called it a "Reading List" (or something of that sort) instead of a "Friends List". "Friends List" implies identification and approval, which is why people get hurt when they're defriended. For my part, I title my f-list "Other Frequently Read Journals", because to me that's what it is. Many of the people on my f-list hold political, philosophical, moral and religious views which are wildly different from my own, and I read their journals because I find them interesting, not because I agree with everything said in them.

[enelya-oronar.livejournal.com]

I am always one for open and up-front conversation. If you think the nice person 'friended' the others because of you - talk to him/her about it. Maybe the nice person does not realize how much angst you have toward the other individuals. I always prefer open conversation to uncertain speculation.

Also, friending and un-friending is the norm in this world. Anyone that has been around understands that 99% of the time, there is nothing personal. And if it is personal, usually the individual already knows the situation.

[fpb.livejournal.com]

On this I do not think I agree - or rather, I do not share your attitude. I named my f-page "Thank God for the following people", nto because I agree with everything - or even with most - of what they say, but because I like what I see of them and they brighten my day. To me, de-friending is a pretty serious business, and one I do only after a row or if the other person has closed his/her LJ or asked me to.

[fpb.livejournal.com]

I do not think the two individuals concerned knew that I was on that person's f-list. It may even be that one or both of them found it an unwelcome surprise. Anyway, for the time being I shall do nothing. I have received a great deal of wise advice and blown off some steam, and perhaps these people and I can just ignore each other.

[curia-regis.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'd just ignore their comments.

i hope the person isn't me

[fpb.livejournal.com]

I cannot give any hints in public, but I will say that the person concerned guessed and I confirmed it to her in private. So if you did not guess and have it confirmed in private, it is not you.