fpb | (no subject)

If I were to state in public - not my opinion, for that is too weak a word - but what has increasingly presented itself before my eyes as true, what I have thought upon all my life and drawn from all that I have done and felt and seen, what the whole world I have lived in has convinced me of - my view of what is true and what is false - I would lose half my friends. I would inevitably fall out with people I care for, whose happiness is important to me, people whom I cannot help but love, for whose kindness and talent I have nothing but admiration and gratitude. In order to keep their friendship, which I value, I have made dozens of tiny compromises, consented in millions of small ways to a view of the world which I know to be wrong - know from personal experience; I have violated my integrity in many ways.

Anyone who says that friends like that are not worth having does not understand what is at issue here. First, they are very much worth having: kind, talented, warm-hearted people, people whose presence would enrich anyone's life. They are not forcing their viewpoint on me; anyone who does that will find that I am not short of weapons. People who try to use force do not get far with yours truly. That is not the problem. What forces me to live with a viewpoint that I regard as wrong is that it is held by people whom I regard as precious. And who will never have any doubts about their view, because it is the commonplace view in their generation. And not only is this viewpoint prevalent, but it is fundamental in its claims about human personhood. On it hangs their sense of self,`their view of the world, of human society, and of their place in history.

I cannot say to them, it is not my place to say to them, "your view of yourself is mistaken". Great poets such as Euripides can stage such a statement - "You do not know your life, nor what you are"; but would they have said it to their own friends? I doubt it. I know that I cannot; not just because I feel fairly sure that I would get nowhere with any of these people, but also because, while I am convinced of the truth of what I believe, I do not believe that I am the right person to state it. If we started work on all the faults that my friends have to put up with, we would be here till Monday week. I have no moral authority of any sort and, as I love and care for my friends, I do not want to make them unhappy either (nor face them with undesirable choices). So... "But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue!"

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*I have violated my integrity in many ways*
That sounds awful, like anti-martyrdom. Is tolerance that painful? Are they actively asking you to make bad choices, or just witness their own? I agree we can't fight every battle - some are just not worth the collateral damage. Best to model the best, and reject the worst, and encourage the others to do the same. Integrity is precious, and if you don't fight for your own, who will?
Hope you feel better soon. Don't neglect yourself.

Is this because of what I said?
I *was* only trying to help.
You know, there isn't one truth. What is right to you might be wrong to me, and vice versa, and the truth changes as time goes by. We all make compromises when it comes to dealing with other people; it doesn't have anything to do with integrity, IMO. Does it damage your integrity to talk to me, just because I feel differently about most issues?
Someone said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Truer words have probably never been spoken, so I'll stop here.

No, my dear, dear Bruno, it is not. Indeed it has fairly little to do with you - although I will admit you are one of several friends I dread losing. It is something that has been brewing for weeks, and I guess that the two things that set it off were, 1), the orgy of sentimentality about the death of Christopher Reeve - which the media shamelessly used to promote embryo research, which I loathe; and, 2), the proclamation of National Coming-Out Day with every LJer just queuing up to subscribe. I felt alone, and having had some taste of the temper of fandom at large, I felt unable to open my mouth without drawing yet another storm of protest, insults and threats. And what bothered me most was that if I ever did, I would be implicitly criticizing people I have come to care for greatly - by no means only you, though you are one of them.

Another thing that happened was that I had just visited the blog of an Italian Catholic journalist whom I greatly respect, and I had found a comment thread invaded, usurped I would say (for what are these people doing in an area of debate about Church matters?) by hate-filled atheists and gay activists using language I would not use even to them. I began to have this strong feeling that we Catholics are really being squeezed out of the debate, that the younger generation has, in the main, no time for us and no willingness to listen, that it is making intolerance into a virtue. Perhaps I exaggerate. But I have met enough of it that I do not think I am just imagining it.